


Forgive & Forget

by the_moon_also_falls



Category: Harry Potter - Fandom, Harry potter Hogwarts mystery
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-31
Updated: 2019-01-31
Packaged: 2019-10-19 18:56:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17607038
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_moon_also_falls/pseuds/the_moon_also_falls
Summary: Evelyn James is just trying to study for a potions test. What she gets instead is a sexual identity crisis.





	Forgive & Forget

_I need to study._ I usually had serious problems sleeping, but tonight I could barely keep my eyes open. How ironic that one of the very few times I have to stay up is one of the few times I’m exhausted at night. The light from my wand was beginning to dim and go out again, and I managed to lumos it back before the room dropped into complete darkness. Thankfully my dorm mates were asleep otherwise they would’ve surely complained about the brightness. Well, except for Rowan who would probably jump at the chance to review the antidote to common poisons and the directions to make wideye potion.

 

 _Speaking of wideye potion_ …

 

I lose my train of thought when I see something move in the corner of my vision. I peer cautiously around the dorm, but don’t see anything. _It's probably nothing._ I glanced back at my book- Magical Drafts and Potions by Arsenius Jigger, which I had to purchase as a first year- when I saw movement and heard a quiet noise. _It's going to bother me until I figure out what it is._ Sighing, I slide my legs off the side of my bed and proceed to walk around the room, shining the light from my wand in hopes of discovering the mysterious movement. Rowan was dead asleep, Tonks was presumably asleep- but who ever knew with her, she could be plotting a prank with her eyes closed- and Penny…

 

_Penny._

 

Penny Haywood, the most popular girl in our year- who was additionally one of my best friends- was rolling around in her bed, getting tangled in her own golden sheets, visibly shaken. I go to walk around to the side of her bed and stub the innocent toes of my left foot on the trunk at the foot board. _For fucks sake_. I hum agitatedly to myself, gain some composure, and move toward her in a more cautious manner.

 

“Pen” I whisper softly. She doesn’t wake up.

 

“Penny” I murmur a tad louder, and shake her shoulder gently.

 

Her eyes open, revealing a terrified and stricken expression, but when she realizes it's just me she relaxes a bit.

 

“Evelyn” she manages with heavy breaths, and slowly sits up a bit against her head board and calms herself down some.

 

“Are you ok?”

 

Penny doesn’t reply or make any gestures for a pregnant pause, then nods. I look at her uncertainty for a moment. Then, “ok” and I turn around to go back to the comfort and warmth of my own bed, knowing that Penny will talk to me when- or if- she’s ready. I only make a stride before I hear a soft whisper.

 

“Will you stay with me?”

 

I hesitate, and then I walk back to her, being careful not to assault any more toes on her trunks. Penny slides over to the right side and I cautiously slide under golden sheets beside her, getting a good whiff of strawberry scented shampoo. In the dark I can barely see anything more of her than her silhouette, and I realize suddenly that she has turned on her side to face me.

 

“Do you want to talk about it?”

 

“No”. Its a ghost of a whisper as she curls up against me, with her head on my chest. I ponder for a second before getting my right arm out from underneath her and wrap it around her as she wraps an arm around my waist. We lay there in silence for awhile, minus the occasional hooting of a frustrated owl who was somehow still delivering post. Penny relaxes with every passing minute, but right as I’m drifting asleep a sniffle breaks the quiet.

 

“Whatever it is”, I murmur by her ear, “we can figure it out together in the morning”. There is no reply for a moment, and before I can think my right hand is stroking thick blonde hair. “Ok?” I ask tentatively, wondering if she had fallen asleep. “Ok” she mumbles into my sweatshirt. It’s the last thing I remember before I drift off.

 

—-

The sunlight glares through the window far too soon, and I startle when I realize I’m on the opposite side of the room from where I sleep. Once I look over at Penny, who is still asleep with her arm wrapped around me and her head on my chest, it all comes back. She looks peaceful like this, a mane of blonde hair and wearing a navy blue sleep shirt (which I’m sure would bring out her eyes) and gray sweatpants. I’d have to remember to tease her about wearing ravenclaw colors when she woke up.

 

There was someone else awake though, and Amelia was already looking at us curiously by the time I’d even glanced around the room. She had grabbed some clothes and was apparently going to go take a shower. “Good morning,” she purrs, “I didn’t realize you two were going to transfigure yourselves into cuddlebugs”.

 

I pull a face, earning a soft laugh from the burnette as she exits to the bathroom. _I should probably leave. I have to get ready anyway._ But I didn’t really have to get ready yet- I still had plenty of time to kill and it took me such a short time to get dressed and prepared for the day. _I don’t know if the rest of them should see us like this._ But the only two people in the room were Rowan and Tonks, both of which were my best friends also, and why would they care. I could just explain that Penny had been upset from a nightmare and I comforted her and fell asleep. _But maybe Penny doesn’t want them to know about that._ But that wasn’t what was tugging at me, that wasn’t what I was really worried about. _Do I have feelings for Penny?_

 

I shake my head and jerk quickly to sit up, nearly waking her. _Just the fact that I’m questioning it means I should go_. I slowly slide out of the bed and pull up her covers a bit for good measure before going back to my own mattress. I didn’t have enough time to get a quality nap in and I wasn’t in the mood to study, so I dressed quickly and grabbed my bag. I closed the door quietly behind me and made my way to the kitchens which were thankfully right next to the common room.

 

The kitchens were swarming with house elves presumably making the final touches on breakfast with Pitts yelling as always. The air was filled with the sounds of clattering dishes and conversation and I eventually find Dinky in the bustle of movement and pull her aside. “Miss James!” The house elf rejoices, “to what do I owe the pleasure?”. I frown at her a moment. “You can just call me Evelyn, Dinky” I remind her, “I was wondering if I could sneak off with a couple slices of toast”.

 

Dinky grins and vanishes with a snap of her fingers to reappear a mere second later with a plate of it. I thank her gratefully and bid her a good day as I leave. Pitts, observant as always, has already blocked my path. “James” he greets, “are you here serving detention again?” He looks a little too hopeful for my taste. “No, just here to grab a snack” I reply, gesturing my plate at him who scowls at me in disdain before padding away without another word.

 

I make my way up to the astronomy tower, the hallways deserted and the castle quiet. This is one of my favorite places to go in the whole school- except for maybe the room of requirement. The view is breathtaking, it's usually empty, and it's a great spot to think. I sit along the railing and look out at the lake below, the sun hovering over the rippling water, colors bleeding together from orange to yellow into shades of blue. I eat my toast in silence, my mind blank and useless. I stay there for awhile, a chill biting at me through my pajamas. I check my silver pocket watch- it’s time to go. 

 

I make it back to the room with perfect timing- everyone has just left. I dress quickly, grabbing my bag and my wand on the way out to the great hall. I try not  to think anything as I pass Penny’s bed when I’m going out the door.

 

Breakfast was strangely average with everyone acting completely and utterly normal. Penny looked a little distracted, absentmindedly swirling a piece of pancake around her plate with a fork, but if I hadn’t been looking for a sign of her distress I wouldn’t have seen it. Even Amelia was herself- I had feared she’d be sending suggestive or questioning glances at the blonde and I but that fear was in vain.

 

“Are you alright?” Rowan nudges me from my side, snapping me back to the present moment. “Yeah of course” I assure before another quick gulp of orange juice. Penny discretely nudges me from the other side- so discreetly in fact that I thought it was accidental. “Can you meet me in the artefact room? After you get out of potions?” She doesn’t glance at me as she asks and I agree quickly, wondering if she’ll be telling me about what her nightmare was about, or what happened last night.

 

I tried to ignore the increased speed of my heart at the dread of the latter.

 

Potions passed quickly for the first time ever, and before I knew it I was in the artefact room standing before an unusually nervous Penny. There was a large pewter cauldron on the floor filled with liquid and some vials of ingredients sat neatly beside it. “What are you making here?” I ask, oddly nervous for another countless occasion with a best friend. Penny gestures for me to sit.

 

”What I’m about to tell you doesn’t leave this room” the blonde begins, and I agree immediately. She takes a deep breath and glances at the cauldron, giving it a quick stir before continuing.

 

”Something happpened this summer. Something... awful,” she clears her throat  and I see tears glistening in her blue eyes. “My family stays in the countryside during the summer, and I have a friend there- her name is Scarlet. She’s a muggle...” She breaks odd abruptly and chokes before correcting herself- “she _was_ a muggle”.

Fear tightened in my chest. “We spent every summer together, and we decided to go on a hike. Nothing we haven’t done a million times before”. Penny’s hands twist in her lap and tears slide silently down her cheeks.

 

”Scarlet saw something I didn’t, and she took off running. I followed her deeper into the woods and tried to get her to slow down but she just kept running. By the time I caught up with her it was too late to warn her that what she was chasing after was a werewolf”. Penny began to sob and I moved toward her, wrapping her in my arms as she shook violently in grief.

 

”I got my wand out, I was going to fight him off, but I froze. Like a coward. It was just a second, and then it was all over. Scarlet was dead, and he took off”. She sobbed, crying into my school uniform and I held her, speechless for a moment. 

 

“What happened wasn’t your fault” I begin, and she cuts me off. “If I hadn’t hesitated she’d still be alive- we had to tell her parents-...” I shake my head.

“Did you murder her?” I ask.

“Of course not! But I-“ 

“Then it wasn’t your fault” I state firmly, “you didn’t kill her, you didn’t hurt her, and you wanted to save her- what happened _wasn’t_ _your_ _fault_ ”.

 

Penny sniffs, nods slowly, and pulls away from me some to sit up all the way. She looks uncertainly at the cauldron and I know that whatever is in it I’m not going to like.

 

”What are you making Penny?” 

Her eyes shift away and she looks defeated as she mumbles under her breath “a forgetfulness potion”.

”A what?” I ask, hearing her the first time. “A forgetfulness potion” she declares more confidently, “I don’t want to remember this anymore. One of my best friends died- in front of me. I can’t sleep without having nightmares, I can’t eat without feeling sick, I...” she trails off and silence decends on us for a moment before she turns to me. 

 

“What do I do Evelyn?”

 

I can’t help but think about my muggle friends from back when I was in public school- how many times I had them over to my house, how easily a family member or myself could’ve slipped up in front of them. I could’ve been in a similar situation. But despite the potential danger, my friends were my friends and they meant the world to me.

 

”I don’t think you should drink it Penny” I say quietly, “I think Scarlet would want you to remember her and all the good adventures you had together. If you drink that potion you’ll forget all about her- and probably more- and then even more of her will be lost. She still lives on in memory. If you take that away it’ll be like she was never here at all. I think she deserves better then that”.

 

Penny regards me seriously for a moment and nods. “Yeah...yeah you’re right.” She pours the potion into a set of vials and vanishes the rest. “I’ll take these to Snape”. She stands and makes eye contact with me. “Are you ashamed of me?” She inquires quietly, and I move toward her and without thinking I’m holding her head in my hands and looking into blue eyes. 

 

“I’m not ashamed of you. What happened was a tragic accident, and anyone in their right mind would think about erasing something like that from their memory if they could. I’m proud that you told me, and I’m proud that you didn’t choose to forget. You have to forgive yourself”. I don’t break eye contact once and neither does she. 

 

Penny hugs me then, tightly, her arms around my neck and burying her head in my shoulder. I freeze for a moment before wrapping my arms around her waist and denying the sudden urge to kiss her. Having her so close to me is wrecking havoc on my heart rate.

 

”Thanks for sleeping with me last night” the blonde murmurs into my Hufflepuff robe, and I’m incredibly thankful she’s still hugging me and can’t see my blush. “Of course” I manage, when my mental reply is _it was my pleasure._ She pulls away, her eyes dropping to my lips for such a quick second that I wonder if I’ve imagined it. She grabs her bag and her potion materials. “I should probably get to Charms” Penny says to the floor. “Yeah” is all that comes out of my mouth. The blonde hesitates at the door and leaves me there in shock.


End file.
